


I am the hate you try to hide

by Rai4eva



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blowjobs, Fluff, M/M, Pain, Rimming, Sadness, Sex, also too much angst, cursing, forgive me i have sinned, there will be much smut dw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-19 05:52:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5956066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rai4eva/pseuds/Rai4eva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo and Hux fight and then bone and then fight again.<br/>Angst and smut within.<br/>This is trash~~~~</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. and I control you

**Author's Note:**

> Fic & chapter titles are from Mr. Self Destruct by Nine Inch Nails.  
> This is my first fic so please bear that in mind :)  
> Also 99% of the ideas came from Neelam, she is a trash lord with me and I love her.

It was undeniable – General Hux hated Kylo Ren.  
Hated him.  
Hated his arrogance. Hated his temper. Hated his disrespect. Hated that stupid mask he wore. Hated his sense of entitlement.  
I mean, what right did he have to strut around the base like the alpha dog, just because he was gifted with the force? Just because he was Darth Vader’s grandson?  
Hux had had to work for his position there. He had to put himself through training, to deal with the gruelling hours, the rigorous tests, the punishments, the physical endurance of it all. He had spent his life working his way to the top. He deserved his position, he has earned his position.  
He hated Kylo Ren.

 

The Resistance had recently taken it upon themselves to complete the map to Skywalker, to hunt down the missing coordinates that would lead them right to him - to the last Jedi. Naturally, it became the First Order’s top priority to retrieve that missing piece before anyone else. After they had successfully wiped out the pitiful forces of the Resistance, they would hold the key to ruling over the entire galaxy. The entire universe. It would be theirs’.

General Hux was on the main communications bridge, barking orders out to his subordinates as per usual. Kylo Ren swooped through the sliding doors unannounced, demanding an audience with the General.  
“I don’t have time for you nonsense right now, Ren. The Resistance are moving troops away from their current location, and if we can catch them in transit it would be a perfect opportunity to cut away at their numbers.”  
Kylo glared at Hux through the visor of his helmet, his gaze steady and unmoving. “General, need I remind you who is truly in command here? As Supreme Leader Snoke’s prodigy, I suggest you choose your words to me more carefully.”  
Hux scoffed, turning away from the Knight of Ren, and strode back across the bridge to a large holo deck, where he could monitor the rest of his team and their progress. However, he could still feel Kylo’s eyes burning holes in the back of his head.  
In an attempt to ignore the petulant child that was Kylo Ren, he started checking documents on his holo pad, looking over orders and mission statements, trying anything to make Kylo finally leave.  
After a few minutes passed, he sighed and turned back around, expecting to see Kylo still stuck in his place. Much to his dismay, Kylo had left.  
Wait, _dismay?_  
Hux hated Kylo. Hated the way he followed him around like a needy child. Hated how important he thought he was. Hated how all the other troops looked up to him. Feared him. Respected him. They didn’t know anything about him! They didn’t have to spend most of their day putting out his fires, cleaning up after him and his pathetic tantrums. Rectifying his mistakes. They didn’t see the way he waved his lightsabre around like he was oh-so-powerful. Didn't see him break. Didn’t see him become and inconsolable emotional wreck after a failed mission. They weren’t the ones who had to wait for him to calm, had to hold him as his shoulders shook, his face wet with tears, his robes ripped, open wounds bleeding. 

They didn’t understand him like Hux did.

They didn’t understand that he belonged to Hux.


	2. I'm moving past the feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loads of kylux angst basically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from ‘The Suburbs’ by Arcade Fire

They argued all the time, seemingly about anything – about missions, tactics, what should be for lunch. Anything. That was just how they operated.

So it was surprising when their bickering took a painful twist.

It had started as nothing more than the classic ‘I’m more important than you’ line of argument: does General outrank Ren? Is the force stronger than the ultimate weapon on the Starkiller Base? Pathetic, childish squabbles to let off steam, to vent frustrations at each other. To realise the very obvious tension. Tension of an unsavoury, unprofessional nature.  
Why then, when this argument had been repeated a thousand times before, did Hux look so hurt? Look like he had been cut too deep?  
Kylo’s mind raced as he tried to think of what he could say to just make him _stop looking at me like that!_ His piercing blue eyes were downturned, focusing at a spot on the floor, looking anywhere but at Kylo.   
“Don’t be so weak!” Kylo spat, instantly regretting this comment. “You shouldn’t…shouldn’t take everything so personally. How can you hope to lead the Order when you take every insult to heart?”  
Hux blinked at the floor, thinking hard, before he slowly raised his head to finally face Kylo.  
“Are you really so dense?”  
“What?!”  
“Do you really believe I care what any of the drones on the base think? I don’t care what they mutter as I walk past, what they blab on about behind my back. Do you really think so little of me that you believe my skin would be so thin?”  
Kylo narrowed his eyes slightly, trying to get a read of the ginger-haired man standing only inches in front of him. He had seemed upset only moments ago, but now there was a look of anger, a flash of rage behind his eyes. However, Hux had never been one to openly display emotions, to embrace his feelings, so trying to get a read on him had always been a challenge, even for someone as perceptive as Kylo.  
“I didn’t say that, General.”  
“No, but it’s what you implied, Ren.”

The two men stared at each other momentarily, trying to gauge the reaction of the other, before Kylo spoke again.  
“You’re right, General. You do not care about what others think. You never have. That’s why Snoke believes you are so well suited to your position. Someone as cold and calculated as yourself would always rise to leader of the regime. It’s a role where having a heart would be an inconvenience, which I suspect is why you perform it so perfectly.”

Oh God, there it was again. That look. That look of pure pain in Hux’s eyes. A look like he had been kicked in the stomach, like he had been stabbed in his side. 

“You-“ Hux began, having to stop himself momentarily to cover the crack in his voice, “You really can be a cunt when you wish to, Kylo.”   
With that, Hux pivoted on his polished boot heel and headed quickly for the door, leaving Kylo in the middle of the training centre, looking positively baffled.  
Hux paced quickly to his quarters, his mind reeling.

_Not here, not here, you can’t break here, not here._

As soon as he was in his living quarters, Hux felt a weight settle on his chest. He rested his head on the back of the door, his mind replaying Kylo’s comments over and over.  
After everything they had been through, after all the times Hux had been there for him, despite his better judgement mind you, Kylo still believed Hux’s true self to be the same as his cold, hard exterior. After all the flashes of his heart Hux had shown Kylo through the year, he still thought him heartless. 

Betrayed.

Hux felt betrayed.

After years of opening up to no one, he had begun to trust Kylo. Trust him with things he had entrusted to no one else. Let him see emotions he showed to no one else.   
He had begun to let him in.  
And Kylo had rejected that.   
Kylo had betrayed him.

 

Slowly, as he sunk to the ground, still leaning against the door, Hux began to realise – he was wrong. He was wrong to let his guard down. He should have stayed as he had always been – closed off, emotionless. Any affection he felt for Kylo, any flirtations between the two, any hints dropped, any lingering looks, soft words spoken in the dead of night after another defeat, worried glances across the medical wing – anything – Hux had to bury it. Forget it. It had meant to much to him, but clearly he was mistaken.   
How could he have been so naïve to think someone as twisted as Kylo Ren could have those feelings?  
He felt betrayed.

 

Hux was about to rise from his position, about to compose himself, about to move on with the day, about to complete his duties. But before he did so, he allowed the thought in. Just for a second. That was all he granted. Just a second to acknowledge what had been nagging him for so long. To feel what he had tried so hard to suppress. 

_Hux was in love with Kylo Ren. Absolutely. Unconditionally. Uncontrollably._

He let the thought slip behind his eyes for a single solitary second, before dismissing it.  
He knew how he felt now, but now, in this moment he realised he had to let it go.  
He rose from his place on the floor, and walked slowly over to his bathroom, before turning on the shower, waiting a moment for the water to run hot. Stripping himself of his uniform, he stepped into the warn stream of water, letting it fall precariously into his face. And with that, he began the plan the rest of his day, laying out all the matters he had to attend to, all the duties he was required to perform.

\---

Sith Lords do not apologise. 

But oh how Kylo Ren wished they did.  
He sat outside Hux’s door, unsure of what to say, of what to do. He had never seen such emotion in Brendol before.  
He saw the image of his pained face flash across his mind again.

He sat outside of Hux’s door, unsure of what he would do, but knowing he had to do something.


	3. Start with one step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Hux snuggle like the space nerds they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fic title from ‘You Might Die Trying’ by Dave Matthews Band  
> Hope you’re all enjoying it so far :) please let me know in the comments what you want to see/what needs improving.  
> Think there will be sexy times next chapter wooooooo

Hux slipped his thick overcoat onto his slim shoulders, fastening the belt, before punching in the unlock code on his door. Stepping out, he intended to start preparations for the next day. Although it was late at night, he knew that after his argument with Kylo sleep would not be coming, so he might as well occupy himself with work – something he had always done to keep his mind off his emotions.  
However, what he did not expect to see was Kylo Ren himself, slumped outside his doorframe, head resting on the wall behind, legs outstretched. 

_What the hell is he thinking?_ a disgruntled and slightly alarmed Hux thought. What would all the other members on the base think, seeing their leader sleeping outside the General’s quarters? It certainly wasn’t an imposing look on Kylo (for once). 

Hux sighed. For Kylo to have actually fallen asleep outside he must have been there for a long while. Probably just after their fight. Knowing Kylo as he did, Hux supposed he had been waiting to speak to Hux, but had been too stubborn to actually apologise.

The General bent down to crouch next to Kylo’s sleeping form, and shook his shoulder abruptly. Yawning slightly, and blinking behind his mask, Kylo slowly turned his head in the direction of what woke him, before registering Hux next to him.  
“Get inside, idiot,” Hux said in his usual sharp tone. Still half-asleep, Kylo gathered himself into a standing position, before following Hux into his room. “How long were you out there for?”  
“Not sure,” Kylo mumbled wearily.  
Hux shook his head slightly, before unfastening his coat once again. He shook it down his arms, placing it ceremoniously on the back of his desk chair. Then he began to undo the buttons of his uniform shirt.  
Kylo could do nothing but stare. Hux’s nimble fingers working on his shirt buttons, so long and slender, his toned biceps flexing slightly under the uniform material.  
Hux registered Kylo looking at him, and smirked slightly. “I suppose you had better stay here,” he said, catching Kylo off-guard. “You look a mess, and we can’t have you stumbling round the base. You’d probably end up sleeping on the bridge,” Hux chuckled momentarily.  
Kylo nodded caustiously, still in awe of the man before him. Slowly, he began to undress as well. Hux paced over to his wardrobe, pulling out some jet black sweatpants. “They may be a little short though,” he said as he tossed them in Kylo’s direction. Then, he walked to the bathroom, washing up before slipping into his silky grey/black pyjamas.  
Back in his bedroom, Kylo had already taken it upon himself to climb into the General’s bed, though he was curled up tightly on the side closest to the wall. Hux settled himself down next to Ren, exhausted from the emotional drain of the day. Before he knew it, the sweet release of sleep had found him.

 

Kylo awoke to find his right arm wrapped tightly around Hux’s stomach, with his head resting on Hux’s chest. Their legs were tangled together in an unsightly mess, and Hux’s face was buried in the soft nest of black curls that was Kylo’s hair.  
As Kylo stirred, Hux slowly blinked awake, his face still planted in Kylo’s hair. Neither spoke for a good few minutes, even though both were aware that the other was awake. After the silence became almost unbearable, Kylo spoke up.  
“Thank you,” he mumbled healf-heartedly.  
“Hmm? What for?” Hux replied quietly.  
“For letting me in.”  
Hux knew immediately that Kylo wasn’t talking about letting him sleep in his quarters.   
“Well who else would put up with you anyway?” Hux scoffed, although now there was no malice in his voice. Not this time. Not here.  
Kylo, still too stubborn and hot-headed to give a proper apology for his previous actions, just continued to lie with Hux in his arms. Hux was close. Warm. His skin was soft, unlike Kylo’s which had been toughened, bruised, and beaten from years of combat. Years of harsh training that had left him scarred and weathered. Too many scars for someone so young.  
Hux relished in the feeling of being held by Kylo. That’s all he’d ever wanted – for Kylo not to push him away. Not to reject his feelings; pretend like there was no love between them.

In that harmonious moment, sleep drifted over them once again.


	4. you are in one of those moods, and I am in one of them too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the one where they bone.  
> One of many I’m sure.  
> But seriously there is no plot in this chapter sorry I just wanted to write porn #shameless.  
> Title from ‘The Beers’ by The Front Bottoms

Kylo’s face lit up the minute Hux turned to him.

_He’d finally done it._

Hux almost ran at Kylo, taking long strides across his quarters, before he was suddenly chest to chest with the taller man.

_Hux had finally snapped._

Ever since they had shared a bed, since they had connected with such raw emotion, had accepted the other as an important part of their lives, the tension between the two had been unbearable.  
Kylo couldn’t help but think back to the sight of Hux stripping, his lean muscles peeking out from behind his uniform. Kylo couldn’t help but think about wht it would be like to touch him. To have Hux touch him back.  
As such, Kylo had made it his duty to rile the General up as much as he could. Their petty bickering became heated at every moment, with the Knight of Ren taking every opportunity to pick a fight about something. He wanted to work Hux up - work him up until he snapped and shoved him against a wall, until he finally got what he had wanted for oh so long.

He had succeeded.

Hux closed the distance between them almost immediately, pressing his lips to Kylo’s roughly, taking Kylo’s bottom lip lightly between his teeth and sucking. A slight moan left Kylo, as his hands snaked around Hux’s waist, caressing his sides, before his fingers began to dig in, pressing into the flesh of his back, his hips. He wanted to feel every part of Hux, see every part of Hux, taste every part of Hux. 

Hux pulled away suddenly, grabbing Kylo by the arm and all but throwing him down onto his bed. Kylo landed on the hard mattress with the thud, at which point Hux climbed onto the bed as well, swinging his leg over Kylo’s hips so he could straddle him properly. Leaning down, he began an assault on Kylo’s neck, sucking and biting until red marks bloomed.   
Kylo could do nothing but lie there and moan wantonly, his cock beginning to strain against the confines of his robes. The more Hux sucked at his neck, liking and biting unabashedly, the more Kylo craved friction on his crotch. He tried to roll his hips up into Hux, but Hux only bit him harder, while moving his leg slightly to pin the other man flat against the bed.

It seemed an age to Kylo before Hux finally relented, shifting slightly to allow Kylo’s hips to buck up on instinct. Kylo ran his hands through Hux’s golden-red hair, savouring the feel of it, relishing in the way it became slowly dishevelled. Hux’s eyes seemed to burn with a lust the same colour as his hair, as he dove his head down again to claim Kylo’s mouth in another passionate kiss.

Somehow in the mix of bodies and kissing and tongues and biting, both men were able to get their clothing off, before switching their positions, so Kylo was hovering over Hux’s hips. Juxtaposed to Hux’s vicious attack on his neck, Kylo gently ran his tongue down Hux’s torso, kissing and nipping ever so slightly, memorising every curve, every freckle; relishing in every strangled noise that came from the man below him.   
Once he reached Hux’s cock, the General was alsmot squirming beneath him, leaking precome obscenely.   
“Just fucking do it you bastard!” Hux exclaimed, just as Kylo dipped his head down and licked a long strip up the underside of the weeping flesh. With one hand, he began to lightly stroke Hux’s balls, while the other held his hips in place, his thumb making small circles over the jutting hipbone, trying to calm Hux down as he writhed against the sheets.

 

Kylo bobbed his head determinedly up and down Hux’s shaft, paying close attention to his slit by running his tongue along it on every up motion, lapping up every bit of salty precome Hux had to offer.  
Hux was panting, his head thrown back in the pillows, his legs starting to shake. Just before he came, he grabbed Kylo’s hair, yanking it hard so Kylo’s face looked up at him. At that moment he peaked, spilling streaks of hot cum across Kylo’s exquisite face.  
Kylo looked slightly alarmed at first, trying to process what had happened. It didn’t take him long, however, to wipe away the cum with the heel of his hand, before licking it unceremoniously, tasting as much of Hux’s semen as he could.

Hux could only moan at the sight as he came down from his high. After a few moments though, he motioned for Kylo to lean over him, latching his lips onto the Ren’s in a soft, loving kiss, that was more tongue than anything else. Pulling away, a thick salvia trail connected them both, before breaking and wetting the side of Hux’s mouth. Kylo leant down again, licking the corner of Hux’s mouth, nibbling slightly on his upper lip.

Hux moaned tiredly, “I want to ruin you Kylo.”

Kylo felt his cock jerk slightly at the sudden proclamation.

“Please, _General._ ”


End file.
